So... my bestie has recommended for some time now that I document my life. At times the things I go through daily are hilariously funny, entertaining to say the least, but other times... like today... its really tough!
Honestly, I haven't like my job or my boss for some time now and I knew this day would come (long overdue) but I really was not mentally prepared to hear that they had gotten rid of my position. 'You mean I don't have a job anymore?!?! Where is money supposed to come from?!?! How am I supposed to pay my bills?!?! (b/c the bill collectors certainly don't stop calling) How am I supposed to feed my kids?!? We're leaving for vacation on Thursday... couldn't you people wait?!?! What am I supposed to do now??!?!' are all the thoughts running through my mind as I patiently waited for the HR people to finish packing my stuff. Although I didn't break in their presence, I must admit that I certainly had that "sick" feeling in my stomach. Then I turned all those questions over to God... and I can't say that I've gotten an answer yet; plus, I still have that "sick" feeling in my stomach. I'm not sad about the situation but definitely worried about our finances but I can't seem to stop crying. I'm really really scared.
So, I brought God up for a reason, I know I'm supposed to have faith and be patient but I'm sooo confused. I've been unemployed before and it sucks. The uncertainty about tomorrow; the stress of not knowing; the hopeless feeling and then there's the process of actually looking for a job. I honestly cannot tell you how many applications I've filled out. I've been on countless intervies and the absolute worst part is the rejection. Its enough to make you question the absolute core of your being. I've been through it... and it ain't fun! So once I knew that it was inevitible, I prayed... I mean I prayed HARD! I begged God to not put me back in that hopeless, helpless situation and he said 'no' b/c here I stand again and I don't understand. I'm sad! I'm scared! I'm confused! I'm deflated! I'm tired! And I really don't believe that I can make it through that situation again. I'm praying for a miracle! I need it more than anything right now.
#Prayingforthesilverlining
